Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
And then he peed in my hair
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