So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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