OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
