Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
