i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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