Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
No subtext here. People are naked.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
