I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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