you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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