I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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