his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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