so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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