Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
