i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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