rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize