there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We were destined to go to rehab together
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
