and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
