hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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