Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
