Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Sober January is a disaster.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
