Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
