As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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