Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
