I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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