I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
