he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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