i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
