do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
