please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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