and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
do herpes really smell.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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