like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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