I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
