I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
