im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
