Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
