if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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