So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
