party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
