I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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