Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You don't make any sense
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