The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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