I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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