Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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