new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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