My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize