I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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