he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
