sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
