Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
In other news, I just burned my penis
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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