I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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