Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
