I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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