sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize