Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
