Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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