I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
