make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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