the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
