where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
that's an acceptable place to lick
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
