the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
