non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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