so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
