today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
