can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
