my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
