just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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