I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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