oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
