i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
third nipple confirmed
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
