Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
