the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
