It's Friday. Sex?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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