This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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