I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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