I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
