i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Text me some of your sweat
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