You smell like stripper and shame
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
