pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
are you so shy because you have an std?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
