Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Your cock deserves a montage
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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