UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
