We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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