How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
