I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize