what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
