Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
