I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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