um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
