Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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