Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
